How to be submissive in a long-distance relationship

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Gone are the days when boring text messages and letter writing was the only thing holding long-distance relationships together. The availability of reliable internet has not only made BDSM kinkier but has also introduced advanced apps to help in communication between d/s couples. If you are new to this, you might be wondering how this works and it is easier than you think! It is high time for you to get rid of those cobwebs building up in your relationship, get dressed up, have some wine and take some notes down from the experts.

Is it possible to be submissive in a long-distance relationship?

Being submissive in a long-distance relationship takes courage, trust, and a lot of will but yes, it is possible. According to a study done on D/S relationships, the number of D/S online relationships increased by 55% mostly during the covid-19 pandemic which forced couples to take on advanced technology just to keep in touch. The matter at hand is developing a strong bond and finding a way to make the long-distance relationship work for you. Learn how to turn each other on using words, find a secure site for naughty video calls and with time it will feel as if you are not apart.

Do Long-distance D/S relationships work?

While there are people out there who claim that long-distance relationships don’t work, there are very many successful couples out there who cannot take 12 hours of flights every week just to see their partner but instead rely on the cyberspace community. Submission is not all about physical presence and touch but your mentality. On a positive note, cyberspace will help you tease your partner sexually, get him turned on and form an emotional connection. Oh! And did I mention that it gives you time and space to get to know each other better?

No one said it is easy                                                    

Being in a long-distance relationship means that you cannot be physically together with your partner and that is one of the most challenging aspects. No touching, cuddling, kissing, having sex the list goes on and the problems will keep building up and did I mention the doubts and temptations? In as much as other ‘normal’ relationships have problems, long-distance d/s is a cocktail of all those problems and it can with no doubt be frustrating.

Does that mean you should give up? No! A successful Dom and Sub long-distance relationship will be the best and most stable thing you will ever get in terms of relationships. The bond will be stronger than any other relationship out there and it will all be worth the struggle.

Developing effective communication in your long-distance relationship

Was there a time when you forgot to take a breath because you were too busy? Communication with your partner should be taken like breathing simply because lack of communication is the major cause of arguments and break-ups in most relationships. It is already hard enough to hold a sensible communication pattern when living together, so long-distance will demand some effort from both sides. Try setting some time apart from your busy schedule once in a day just to talk to your partner and if you can’t talk: send him a picture of yourself in sexy lingerie or fully naked and brighten up your day.

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What does talking mean?                

If you think that the usual ‘hello, how are you doing?’ type of talk will keep your relationship sprouting, then take a seat and take some notes. Men love being teased, they enjoy being turned on and take pride in knowing that their women appreciate their presence in life. What does this mean? It means that you have to take your texting skills a notch higher. Be naughty for your man, take time to sex chat and make him cum via text; make video calls and pleasure yourselves till you get those powerful orgasms, or take another route and let him give you orders via webcam and watch you obey them.

Ways to make your submissive relationship a success

Learn how to sex chat

Sex chatting is under graded on how effective it is in the success of a long-distance relationship. In as much as sexting helps in giving pleasure, it also helps both the Dom and sub in getting to know what works for the other and what doesn’t.

Sex chatting is having sex using words and if done correctly, it gives immense pleasure to both parties. Sex chatting is a combination of foreplay, sex, and aftercare but on a personal and intimate level.

Video sexing

Do you love the idea of watching your partner get naked? Does it give you goosebumps? Does the thought of watching him pleasure himself till he cums make you wet? If yes, video sexing is the best option for you! With a wide variety of options to choose from, you can choose to either use Skype, Webcam, Whatsapp video calls, or Instagram the list is endless.

Use of toys

In as much as fantasizing and masturbation works for you, it is high time for you to invest in some sex toys. No one expects you to stay for 3 years without sex and that’s where toys come in handy. Sex toys can be useful to loyal couples and can be an absolute turn-on during video calls.

  • Vibrator

Vibrators come in different shapes and sizes all equipped to give you mind blowing orgasms. These magical toys are perfect for personal satisfaction and the best part is they focus on both vaginal and clitoral stimulation giving you a mind blowing experience, the perfect way to make your intimate video sessions memorable.

  • Butt plug

Butt plugs are perfect for intense sexual play and will take you off your feet with multiple orgasms that are so powerful yet enjoyable. Bluetooth controlled butt plugs are perfect for a long distance relationship as they give your partner the power and control over the butt plug. In short, your Dom can control how fast you orgasm or at the same time, prevent you from getting to orgasms.

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  • Panty vibrator

Panty vibrators are the best when it comes to discretion due to their small size and flat pebbled magnet. The vibrator can be adjusted to different modes according to how intense you want the play to be and operated via a remote making them perfect for self satisfaction.

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  • Clitoral stimulator

You don’t have to use an insert toy every time you get to play, clitoral stimulator gives you clitoral stimulation by imitating oral sex resulting in clitoral orgasms. If you enjoy getting your clit all worked up, this is the perfect toy for you. Oh! Did I mention that the stimulator can also be directed by your partner via an app?

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Playing adult games

Adult games are the perfect way to keep your calls fun and intimate. They can range from board games to card games with different levels of complexity depending on your current mood. Naughty dares often take the win and can involve daring your partner to fuck herself using a vibrator for 5 minutes to get all naked and masturbating in front of the video.

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Having an open relationship

 Does the idea of watching your man having sex and dominating another woman turn you on? Maybe an open relationship is how you will keep your relationship healthy. An open relationship requires consent from both parties and demands a lot of trust and loyalty. In an open relationship, both partners are required to have no emotional connections with the third parties; only physical relations.

Ways to maintain a long-distance D/S relationship

  1. Effective communication
  2. Set up a meeting time
  3. Keep a log of your communication
  4. Find common interests other than D/S
  5. Carry on with life
  6. Make time for yourself
  7. Set up a meeting plan

Effective communication

With long distance and the inability to see your Dom every day, effective communication will come in handy both in growing your intimacy and connection. Effective communication involves setting a time where you will be both available to talk and have some intimate time.

Set up a meeting time

A meeting time saves you frustration and disagreements. Waiting up for your Dom to call for him to fail may be very frustrating that is why it is important to set a specific time when both of you will be available for a private chat. Make an effort to dress up, pour a glass of wine, light some candles, and play soothing music before the call just to get you in the mood. Getting some sex toys beforehand also helps in sexual satisfaction.

Keep a log of your communication

How often do you go over your chats when lonely or feeling sad? Keeping a log of your chats can be therapeutic mostly in reminding you of the amount of love you and your Dom have for each other and showing you how far you have come from. If safe, you can also record your video calls and watch them as you masturbate! Yes, there is no sin in masturbating. Masturbation is important to keep your blood flow to your clit constant.

Find common interests other than D/S

In as much as foreplay and role-playing are fun, you need to find other common interests which you can talk about when the mood for romance is not present. Common interests allow you to know how your Dom is like in real life and what he likes doing. You can also put some effort and challenge each other to learn a new art.

Carry on with your life

When your Dom is away, your life should not become dormant but instead, take the opportunity to grow yourself and become a better self. Starting a business or learning a new craft such as painting can be a good start. Take this time to make new friends and go out to explore new places or take an adventure tour to a new destination. It will all be in the good of the relationship and will keep you busy while your Dom is busy working.

Make time for yourself      

When was the last time you took yourself out for dinner? When did you get a massage or get your nails done? Making time for yourself helps you calm your mind and keep a healthy space and relationship. Taking a shopping spree or vacation can also help you in keeping your mental health in check.

Set up a meeting plan

Why is setting a meeting plan important? Simply because it gives you both something to look forward to! Talking about what you will do once you get back together, buying some cuffs and a whip, getting your Dom’s favorite foreplay character costumes to build hope and create a strong bond in the relationship. You can tell each other what you want to experience when you meet up, what turns you on; if it is nipple clipping then show him how to do it to your satisfaction. In short, give him sexual ideas and let him share his fantasies as well.

Ideas for taking care of your dominant from a distance

Taking care of your dominant male is one of the most difficult jobs out there. Dominants are used to being in charge and taking care of their submissive other but not the other way round. Checking up on your dominant’s mental health regularly is one of the things you can do. Take time to know how he is doing, offer a listening ear, and once in a while trying to help where you can. 

How often do you gift your Dom? Your partner is also human and gifting him once in a while will go a long way into growing your long-distance relationship. D/S relationships encourage a double-way type of care and sending gifts is a special type of care. If you don’t know what your man likes, you can go ahead and get him a dinner reservation and let him take himself out all on you.

Love notes or a nude picture of yourself. Nude pictures are hot and sexy when sent by the person you love. Surprise him during his lunch break by sending him a nude picture of you or a picture of yourself in his favorite role-play costume and make him smile. Who knows, you might even make his day better!

Play and Punishment in a Long Distance relationship

Can you have kinky sex in a long-distance relationship? Yes, you can. It is more fun than doing it on a face-to-face basis. The only problem can be the difference in time frames in cases where you are both located in places with a time zone difference. For instance; your Dom can build your anticipation by giving you a list of things to do before the set meeting time. this will make you eager to get off work and get on a video call to tell your Dom your accomplishments or if failed, get your punishment.

Your Dom can take control by giving you orders to fulfill and the exciting part is taking control of your body and urges to ensure that you follow the orders to the latter. Self-discipline and restraint are the main characters you will need in cases where your Dom needs you to deny yourself an orgasm as a form of punishment or stay away from masturbating.

So how do you have some fun and playtime in your long-distance relationship? Here are a few ideas that will make your experience amazing;


Imagine getting a to-do list from your Dom early in the day and having to wait the entire day to eagerly get home and fulfill his wishes. How exciting is that? Lists give the Sub orders often step-by-step guidelines which are supposed to be followed to the latter without skipping a single step. They can range from using nipple clips, cuffs and vibrators during a play session and demand a lot of control. For instance; your Dom can state that you are not to give yourself an orgasm and despite him not watching you, orders will have to be followed despite how amazing the play session is.

Hourly tasks

Hourly tasks are perfect for busy couples who spend the better part of their day occupied. They can involve orgasm denial where both parties masturbate but don’t allow themselves to orgasm while at other times they can give each other the go-ahead to orgasm. The important part is keeping each other sexually involved on an hourly basis.


This is the simplest type of play and can involve orders like removing your panty and staying pant-less the entire day or doing house chores while wearing sexy heels but all naked. In short, they focus on keeping the fun part of D/S relationships alive.

Days of many colors

How many colors can you wear in a single day? ‘Days of many colors’ is a type of play that challenges the Sub to wear as many colors as possible within a single day and send the pictures to the Dom. The Dom can either reward the sub or punish her according to how the final results satisfy him. The Dom can reward his Sub by giving her extra time to play with herself or sending her on a shopping spree.

Stop and go

This type of game-play is excellent for couples who please themselves while on video calls. The dominant takes charge to instruct the sub on when to play with her-self probably using a vibrator and when to stop. The Dom gets the upper hand in guiding and controlling how his sub orgasms. When the Dom gives a go order, the sub goes and when he says stop, she stops.

Home alone.

If you live alone, this game should be on your to-do list. The dominant gives his Sub orders on chores to do around the house and how he wants them done. The Dom can command anything he wishes and the Sub has to obey. It can be as simple as making a cup of coffee or a little bit intense like pouring hot wax on her body.

Time yourself.

The Dom gives specific minutes in which his Sub should play and pleasure herself. The Sub should time herself to make sure she doesn’t exceed the given time. The sub can use a wide range of toys to play ranging from vibrators to ice cubes and whips.

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How to manage sub-drop in a long-distance relationship

Sub-drop is the feeling of depression or hopelessness that can be experienced after an intense session of lovemaking or play if aftercare is not practiced. Aftercare varies from person to person and can involve cuddling, icing, or even laying down with a blanket to calm down. If the serotonin levels (happiness hormones) remain low for a long time, it can be dangerous to the Sub’s health often resulting in cutting herself, bruising, or in extreme cases suicide.

Sub-drop can be experienced mostly after extremely intense play sessions such as anal play, torture sessions and aftercare should be openly discussed mostly in couples who practice a long-distance relationship. Aftercare can be done by watching a similar movie together via video call to make the sub feel her Dom’s presence or even having a similar drink together despite the distance just to minimize the feeling of loneliness.

Handling absence in a long-distance relationship

The bitter truth about long-distance relationships is that there are times when you will miss your significant other but they will not be around. This however does not give you a go-ahead to feel shitty and low about yourself. Here are a few techniques that have proven to conquer the absence.

Keep busy

Being idle builds up the feeling of loneliness and provides the space and time to over think. Keeping yourself busy will ensure that you are fully occupied throughout the day and have little time to over think. Long-distance relationships are challenging but this does not mean that they do not work.

Write down your feelings.

Keeping your feelings in your brain can result in exhaustion and there is no better way to get rid of a build-up other than using a daily/weekly journal to note your thoughts down. Journals provide a safe space to share your worries, secrets, and challenges in cases where you are afraid of speaking out. You can also start an anonymous blog and share your day-to-day life with other similar people or better yet, write down your thoughts in an email and email them to your Dom.

Personal reminder ritual

You do not have to rely on your Dom to provide a day-to-day ritual instead, take time to craft your own and customize it according to your liking. Probably add on some meditation time to think about your Sub life or a bubbly bath to calm your nerves.

Call a friend

It is important to have a friend who genuinely cares about you and most importantly, someone with who you can openly talk without being judged. You do not have to go through the loneliness phase on your own so feel free to always call for help.


It is alright to be needy as a sub but do not over-do it. Every dominant man wants to know that his woman is capable of managing herself and taking control when the need arises. Accepting that the relationship will not be normal and you will not have the ability to see each other daily might bring closure. Incorporating long-distance plays into the relationship might also help in accepting the situation mostly for couples who were used to spending time together.

Final thoughts;

D/S Long-distance relationships are an issue that can be largely debated based on whether or not they work but it all depends on the individuals involved. Keeping the relationship fun and sexual by incorporating play sessions and setting aside time to communicate builds the bond and sexual connection between couples. As a sub, it is important to discuss ways to manage sub-drop before getting into any extreme plays but at the end of it all, always remember that the success of your D/S relationship depends on the energy you give and the effort to make it work out.

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