How to Be Submissive in Your Marriage

Table of Contents

Do the cricket sounds in your marriage scare you? Are you scared of your marriage going down the drain? Are you hoping to get back to those beautiful days when you would wake up in each other’s arms? Well, I once was there too and all I needed to do was change a few things and five years later, we are happier than ever! Being a submissive wife may not have been on your to-do list but it is the high time you consider it.

Why should you become a submissive wife?

Being submissive doesn’t involve giving up your dreams or career but giving up a little bit of control and letting your husband take charge as the leader or alpha in the relationship.

If you are still reading this, there is a high chance that you have/are considering become a submissive but what do you have to gain?

Spice up your marriage

This means avoiding the normal vanilla relationships and adding more Kamasutra styles into your sex life other than the normal boring missionary style which you have been using since your honeymoon. Nothing will turn your man on more than walking into the house to find his wife dressed up in lingerie and sexy heels, with cuffs and a whip waiting for him in the bedroom for him to take charge.

Lower divorce chances

What is the coincidence that your man is craving for some out of the box play and prefers to find it somewhere else? How about you bring the fun to him at home? This will not only lower the chances of a divorce but also prevent infidelity. Why? First of all, Dom/Sub relationships require open communication and a lot of respect and trust which in turn builds a solid foundation for your marriage.

Secondly, submission involves a wide variety of play and fun which will make your sex appeal command attention from your man plus every day will be like a puzzle; interesting and complex yet fun.

Increased love and connection

A man loves it when a lady gives up power and accepts that her place in the marriage is as a wife. As a dominant, that will result in a reward every time he likes how you behave. This means that there will be more dinner dates, shopping sprees and presents for you. Oh! And did I mention that he will treat you like a queen? Queens are respected, worshipped, and adored by everyone, and what better role could you take.

Fewer arguments and fights between you and your man

Being a submissive man comes with the respect of knowing that talking back to your man is a huge NO. He is the alpha and that by itself demands respect and obedience. The moment you learn this, the arguments will be less and will result in a happy marriage. This doesn’t mean that your man will always be right, by why not make him a candlelit dinner and then over dinner slowly and carefully explain your views on certain perspectives?

Getting to enjoy a feminine nature that you didn’t know existed

A submissive relationship is one of the best ways to discover yourself. Why? Because you get to play and experiment with your body just to learn what works best for you. Dress up for role-play, get naked and tease your man with those sexy poses, get whipped, get cuffed; what’s important is being open-minded.

Now that we have explored the benefits that you will enjoy by being a submissive wife, how about we learn how to be one?

How to Become a Submissive Wife

  1. Allow him to be a hero
  2. Learn to listen but don’t always talk back
  3. Be beautiful for him.
  4. Ask for favors when he is relaxed
  5. Be a housewife
  6. Care for him.
  7. Cry instead of yell.
  8. Let him lead the way.
  9. Surround yourself with positive people.
  10. Give your husband some space.

1.      Allow him to be a hero

Men love being hero’s and protectors mostly towards people who they love and are fond of. Let your man hold your hand, let him open the door for you, pull your seat in the restaurant, let him give you his coat when it’s cold. In short, learn to sit back and let him enjoy being the hero in your life. Also, isn’t it just amazing to let someone else do a little bit of worrying on your behalf?

2.      Learn to listen but don’t always talk back

If your man opens up to you, there is a very high chance that he just wants a listening ear not your thoughts or opinion on the matter. As a submissive wife, learn to be that ‘listening ear’ wife, not the problem solver. Yes, we women are the natural problem-solvers and attention seekers but just for once in your life; don’t let everything be about you.

3.      Be beautiful for him

 Little effort can go a long way. How about you make some change and instead of serving him breakfast while in your pajamas, dress up in some sexy lingerie and watch his appetite grow from zero to a hundred within minutes. In as much as you both are married dressing up shouldn’t be a dinner thing but an everyday surprise thing for your man.

4.      Ask for favors when he is relaxed

Being a submissive wife means that you have to learn when your husband is in his best mood. Giving his bad news after a long day’s work will mess him up emotionally and end up stressing him out. The best time to ask for favors is mostly on weekends when his mood is good and he is lively or just after he has closed a huge business deal. Successful submissive wives know that their men will hardly say no when the mood is right.

5.      Be a housewife

This is only meant for financially okay families who have enough money at hand. If you are the rock of your family, there is nothing wrong with working and still being submissive after all; leaving your family to struggle financially wouldn’t make sense.

If you are financially stable, concentrating on making your house more of a home than a structure will contribute politely to the growth of your marriage. Be the traditional wife and learn some baking, prepare some food for your husband, make him a warm bath after work, enjoy making love to him. After all, marriage in itself is enough work so why not take your time to make it flourish.

6.      Care for Your Husband

Men love being pampered, being treated like the king they are, and being showed that they are loved. Give him a massage after a long day’s work and let him relax to your magical touch, make him a candlelit dinner and dress up for him; let him have you as dessert. Take him out once in a while and don’t get tired of massaging his ego. Let him know that he rules your world and he is important to you.

7.      Cry instead of yelling

Women are known to be stubborn and we believe that we know it all. As a submissive wife, this will have to stop or else marriage will never work for you. Never speak back to your man or yell at him because all it does is damage his masculinity and respect towards you. Instead, cry and let your tears cleanse your soul, let your man see the soft side of his wife, and let him learn that you are vulnerable and he has to protect you from physical and emotional harm.

8.      Let him lead the way.

Men are naturally born leaders. They love leading and giving orders that’s why your man will appreciate the Alpha role. Let him make major decisions in the marriage and show him that you trust him to decide what’s best for both of you and your kids.

Marriage needs trust and trust is earned not demanded. Letting him be the leader will help in growing your trust and connection and what is better than that?

9.      Surround yourself with positive people.

Have you ever heard that your friends are the best representation of who you are? Surrounding yourself with friends who want the best for your marriage will not only help you grow but lo give you a chance to be your better self.

Have friends who you can call when stressed out, friends who understand your type of marriage, or even those with the same arrangement and exchange ideas as your marriage grows and glows.

10. Give your husband some space.

A submissive wife understands that everyone needs to recharge once in a while and gives her husband time for that. In as much as your husband tops your list as your best friend; he needs to spend some time with other men and have a drink or two, play a few games while sharing a few laughs, and doing what men love.

Recharging gives your marriage a glow and reduces disagreements plus doesn’t it make you fall in love all over again watching your man being all manly and playful?

Will you enjoy being a submissive wife?

In as much as this will have to be a personal experience and is different for everybody, the first thing to a submissive journey is being open-minded. Don’t worry about society’s perceptions, don’t worry about failure, and most importantly, don’t have high expectations.

If you are still reading this, there is a very high chance that you will give this a try, and being patient with yourself throughout the growth process will go a long way. Give yourself room for making mistakes and learning and your husband too. Make it fun and sexy. Here are a few ways to know whether you will enjoy being a submissive wife or will you have to work harder;

  • You are open to exploring more than jeans and pajamas in your relationship.
  • You love letting your man take charge and make major decisions in your marriage life.
  • Cooking and cleaning your home makes you happy.
  • You are open to letting your husband take control during sex.
  • You want to improve your marriage and make your husband less stressed.
  • You love doing things for your man just to make him happy.

If your answer is yes to all the above, there is a high chance submitting will not be hard for you but a walk in the park otherwise, you will have to put in a little bit of work.

What does it mean to be submissive to your man?

Giving your man the chance to lead, make decisions, be in charge and be a hero is what submission is all about. What if he is wrong? Your man is human and he will be wrong a couple of times but that does not give you the go-ahead to yell at him and embarrass him in front of his friends and family. Talk to him calmly and correct him privately, no one should know your family issues other than both of you.

Sexual submission is also a thing. If you cannot be a housewife or trust your man with money let him take charge sexually.  Let him pin you on that bed, give you orders, and obey them; in short, make him enjoy his masculine self and power.

What if I am not the submissive type?

Not all women are submissive by nature but you can always learn how to be submissive. Talk to your man about your interest and the difficulties you are encountering. Start small, maybe by incorporating blindfolds into your foreplay then advance to cuffs, paddles and in no time you will be doing role-plays as the submissive sexy housemaid.

How do I make the Sub/Dom marriage fun?

How open are you to trying new experiences? Do you find pleasure in pain or role-play? Do you have a budget? Well, if you have a budget and probably do not want to spend a lot, invest in budget-friendly items such as satin scarfs or ties and transform them into cuffs (hands and ankles) or blindfolds.

Here are a few ideas of how you can make your submissive marriage fun;

1.      Try out toys.

These range from restraints to pain inflators and hot wax. The main idea is to find out what works best for you and adding that to your list.

Back bundle with mouth gag

This toy is the perfect restraint toy for ensuring immobility during foreplay and sex. The mouth gag makes it impossible to speak and gives your man the pleasure of enslaving you, making him have total control. It is however important to set a safe sign before indulging with this toy just in case the sub needs to communicate anything.


A leash is used for control or restraint either during foreplay or role-play. A leash shows dominance and portrays the submissive as a lesser party. A leash is often worn on the neck but can also be used on the ankles or attached to body piercings. Leashes can be used during owner and dog or warden and caged animal role-plays. Leashes are excellent for humiliation and can be a huge turn on to your dominant husband.


Does pain turn you on? If yes, this is the best toy for you! Whips are the best toys for pain inflation and they will make you all wet and ready for sex. Whips can either be used to spank the submissive or to inflate pain on different body parts. Whips should however be used on fatty or masculine parts of the body such as thighs and butt to avoid harm. When using a whip, it is advisable to start slow or practice on a pillow. Now that the basics are covered, are you ready to add this toy to your collection?


If you haven’t tried candles and ice in your foreplay/ tease section, you need to step up your game. Blindfolds restrain and candles are the best combination for beginners and exploration. Investing in the right types of candles will prevent those embarrassing visits to the doctor with a burnt back. Candles are used to inflate a hot sensation on the skin to turn the submissive on. The perfect candles for this should burn at a maximum of 52 degrees thus preventing skin burns.

Nipple clamps.

If you are thinking of changing from the normal vanilla marriage to BDSM, this is the right tool for you. Nipple clamps are excellent for light BDSM play and are used as pain inflators. Before buying nipple clamps, it is important to experiment with nipple biting or pinching just to know if you will like it. Clamps stop the blood flow to the tissues making the area extremely sensitive to touch.

How to use: First test on a less sensitive area such as your earlobe to ensure you will enjoy the sensation. Massage your nipples to make them erect. Slide the clamps to the nipple base and adjust accordingly. Nipple clamps should be worn for a maximum of ten minutes.


Does the idea of being tied up on a bed or pole make you wet? Soft handcuffs are the best for this and save you the worry of losing the keys. In BDSM, handcuffs are used as restrains to give the dominant control over his sub. Using a cold lube on your genitals is the best idea to play with your skin sensitivity or opting for ice cubes.

How to use: pick your type of cuffs which can range from ties to scarfs to leather cuffs. Choose the position which you will be comfortable in; lying on your front or back or a pole. Put them on and adjust to the right fit. Get your toys, ice, candles, and have fun!

2.      Be freaky.

Invest in some freaky card set and give dares to whoever loses. Maybe receive a spanking or a CMNF dare.

3.      Communicate with each other.

Get to know what your husband is open to trying and set boundaries.  Let him know what turns you on and what makes you squirt.

4.      Always set a safe word.

How does this make it fun? Well, you don’t want to get rushed to a hospital emergency room just because you both went too far and your dominant did not notice. A safe-word ensures comfortability and safety.

5.      Invite a third party.

This depends on how open you are to have other people in your relationship and how strong your trust game is. For newbies, inviting a well-experienced couple will help you improve on your game as well as have a positive influence on your relationship.

6.      Incorporate adult games to the mix.

The power of a good, sexy game is often undermined. Games are not only fun but they also are meant to push you out of your comfort game. Most games have different levels starting with the starter and building up to the passionate level where things get steamy and daring. Here are a few perfect games for you and your husband that will make things fun and intimate;

  • Adult monogamy board game

An adult monogamy game is perfect for exploration with the perfect mix of fun. Save this for that perfect night when the children are away and you have the whole house to yourselves.

How to play: Start by Lighting some scented candles and putting on some love-classical music to set the mood right for a romantic night. The game consists of different levels starting with the ‘passionate’ which enables you to know more about him and vice versa. The ‘intimate’ level is where things get steamy with dares and very intimate questions. The final stage ‘steamy’ then pushes you both to your limits and often ignites horny feelings. This final stage is known to be explicit and every card picked tends to get you both hornier and closer. The highlight of the game is the winner gets to play out his/her favorite fantasy card!

  • Talk, Flirt and Dare- Cards game

This is probably one of the easiest games out there and also among the naughtiest if played as instructed. These cards are perfect for igniting passion between you and your hubby just don’t forget to bring some wine into the mix.

How to play: Like any card game, all you have to do is pick a card and follow the instructions written on it. for a date night, you can choose to start with the first level ‘talk’ as you get comfy then advance to the ‘flirt’ level, and finally when the mood is right head over to the final level which is ‘dare’. To make the game more fun and interesting, the loser gets to obey the winner’s orders from being a servant for an entire day to getting caged.

  • Sex card game

Are you looking to unwind after a long week? Do you want to try new things in the bedroom but have no idea of where to start? Love battleship cards are the perfect remedy for that. This card game focuses on bedroom pleasure and offers enough intimacy to give you multiple orgasms. The cards include up to 50 different foreplay and sex ideas with each card providing a watermarked image for illustration.

How to play: Dress up in sexy lingerie and flaunt those curves, light some scented candles to get you both in the mood when ready pick a card, read the instructions and follow what it says.

  • Sex coupons

When is the last time that you explored new sex positions and got a little bit wild? Coupons will not only offer sex styles but also give adventurous ideas for you both to try. They range from rough sex ideas to innovative sex styles to wet bathroom sex and naked teasing in short; they are the best compilation you can have in your bedroom. The cards are made for both of the couple’s sexual and fantasy fulfillment.

Abusive marriages are not submissive marriages.

Most women fear that giving up their power and control will result in abusive marriages but submission and abuse are two very different things. A dominant man will never hurt his queen either physically or emotionally but will instead respect her for giving up control and trusting him.

On the other hand, an abusive relationship can never be submissive but toxic. A man who can raise his hand and hurt you or rudely talk to you doesn’t require your respect or time. Walking away from the marriage should top your list otherwise; whips and mouth gags will just end up playing in your husband’s favor.

What if my Husband is not Dominant?

In as much as you all hope for a dominant man, your husband may not be open to trying the D/S relationship at all. This does not mean that he is not dominant but just not interested. Men are born with dominant genes and they crave dominance and power. Try talking your man into it, tell him the benefits, why you think you both should try this type of a relationship, and maybe buy a few easy BDSM kits for a try and see how he feels about it. Hopefully, he will be as open to it as you are.

Seduction and Submission

BDSM is a two-way kind of arrangement meaning you both have to put in some effort for it to be successful. I’m I talking about financial effort? No! As a woman, you need to learn how to seduce your man and get him in the mood for a steamy lovemaking section with you and there is nothing wrong with that! He is yours and that means you should be confident around him.

How can you seduce your husband and make him want you more?

1.      Dress up in some sexy lingerie.

A woman’s body is a masterpiece in itself and what better way to make your husband crave and want you other than showing it off in sexy lingerie?

2.      A getaway is welcome.

This getaway plan should not involve kids or family, it’s meant to be a private affair to rejuvenate your sex life. Take this chance to remind your husband why he fell in love with you in the first place, remind him how crazy and fun your love life was before you got married.

3.      Change your wardrobe.

When was the last time you bought some sexy heels or dresses and dressed up in some makeup? Well, it is about time you do that. Marriage doesn’t mean that the drip is over; it is not a ticket to wearing baggy 1980 mummy pants and expecting your husband to drool over you. Drool sexiness, hit the gym, eat healthily and I can assure you that your husband will never take his eyes off you.

4.      Tease talk

Whisper sweet naughty ideas into his ears and watch him blush. It doesn’t have to be dirty talk and neither does it have to be forced. Just go with the flow; tell him how you want to be touched, whisper your feelings, and tell him what you like about him sexually. You will be surprised by how easily your words can make your husband hard.

5.      Be a little flirty

In some, it might take something as simple as eye contact to make your man hard while in others, you will have to work a little bit harder. Maybe lick some syrup off a spoon in a sensual manner as he is staring or drinking some milk and intentionally letting some drip down your chest onto your nipples.

6.      Improve the Mood

Light some scented candles or fill the bathtub with scented petals and get naked. Make your man want you and work to get it. Groundnuts and bananas are also natural sexual stimulators and you shouldn’t be afraid of adding these into the mix.

7.      Make out.

As a wife, you definitely know what kind of make out turns him on even when he is not in the mood. Keep it simple and stick to it. does kissing turn him on? Use that to get your way into what you want. Kiss him passionately till he gets hard. Earn your ticket to sex and foreplay or a treat.

8.      Love notes.

Yes, love notes are old fashioned but how sexy is the effort that one puts into putting the words on a paper and delivering it? Maybe it is time to go the old fashioned way and remind your husband how you both used to communicate back in the days when mobile phones and emails weren’t a thing. Don’t forget to spray in your current body spray just to remind him of how good you smell.

9.      Try a massage

A sensual massage will get your husband in the mood and at the same time help him relax. Massaging his scalp and back will help him send the message that you are in the mood. If you are feeling a little bit freaky, you can go ahead and give him a mind-blowing blowjob which will get him in the mood. Giving him pomegranate juice will also help boost his sex drive.

Final Thoughts

If you follow all the above steps, you can be guaranteed a happy and successful submission journey. They say a happy husband and wife equal to a successful marriage just remember to start small and trust the process. You can start your submission journey by doing something as small as making a special dinner for your husband and then slowly advance from there.

 However, it is important to note that this type of kinky arrangement is not for everyone, and in as much as you are open to it; it might not work in your marriage. Giving up without trying, however, shouldn’t be an option for you.

With that being said, it is important to note that a high percentage of women who are submissive to their husbands have very healthy marriages, and also, religion advocates for a wife to be submissive to her husband.

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