How to stop being a nice guy and be dominant

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Being a nice guy can get you a lot of friends but in the long run, is that what you are looking for? Being a dominant male not only gets you the respect of an alpha but also helps you gain respect from your woman. 

Most people think that being a nice guy means being kind, respectful, and obedient but what does it take to be labeled as a nice guy? Firstly, the painful truth is that nice guy are not any woman’s dream partner simply because they are too nice and soft to handle problems and stand up for their women. Every woman wants a man who is strong and confident enough to protect her and shield her from both physical and emotional pain. Secondly, most “nice guys” are not nice but instead shy men who are not fully confident in their selves and no woman wants that in their life.

Being too nice will never get you anywhere and that is why you are friend-zoned by every woman you meet. Nice guys belong to the friendship bracket when it comes to women, which is why you need to wake your dominant side and be a better man.

Can you be dominant and nice?

Being dominant requires you to take charge, be a leader and make decisions that can at times be hurtful or unfair. Being nice on the other hand goes against all the dominance rules so the answer is No! You cannot be nice and still be dominant. Dominance means that you will need to punish your submissive in case she wrongs that’s why they both cannot go hand in hand.

Dominance however does not mean you should be rude, aggressive, and self-centered. The trust is the most important component in a D/S relationship requires a lot of honesty, kindness, and care. Most people mistake dominance for rudeness but the main question should be whether that is what it entails?

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What’s wrong with being a “nice guy”?

Are you wondering why you are always friend-zoned? Are you the best friend who wipes away your girlfriend’s tears every time she gets heartbroken hoping that she will notice you? Well, that is where the problem with being a nice guy is! You will always be that friend who acts as a puppet but will never be allowed to bite the cherry. 

Take your chances and tell that lady how you feel, what’s the worst that could happen? Being dominant requires courage and this means having the ability to take risks and be able to accept the outcome.

What characterizes a “Nice Guy?”

In most cases, nice guys are men who probably grew up in a family setting where they lacked an Alpha role model, or in other cases, it is just a behavioral trait mostly consisting of shyness. All in all, what characterizes a nice guy?

Conflict shyness

Nice guys often avoid conflicts and if they find themselves in one are incapable of defending themselves against more dominant men. They believe that they deserve to be walked on and hardly make the effort to change how people treat them. In a world full of confident and strong me; it is highly unlikely that any woman will want to be involved romantically with a man who cannot defend himself. 

Putting the needs of others before his

No woman wants to be involved with a pleaser which is who nice guys are. Nice guys tend to believe that other people’s needs are more important than theirs and are always working towards pleasing other people. For a people pleaser, all that he can get is a friend-zone opportunity since he can hardly offend others which makes socializing difficult not to mention seduction.

The victim role

`nice guys always tend to follow the community rules and care about what other people think about them, this trait hardly attracts women as women want to be associated with strong, capable men. Women instead use nice guys as emotional cans to dump their frustrations on every time they go through heartbreaks. The frustration of never being the ideal match to women ends up building up a victim mentality on the “Nice guys” mind. He believes that it is everyone else’s fault that he isn’t good enough and never takes time to look at what he is doing wrong and different from other men.

Need for approval

Nice guys believe that sex is a reward for good behavior while dominant men tend to believe that it is their responsibility to please their woman sexually. They tend to believe that it is their responsibility to make sure other people are comfortable and happy. They never speak while among more dominant men or strong women and have low self-esteem.

Rage towards the opposite sex

Nice guys believe that women are “angels” and cannot hurt men. In the current society, women are more vocal and express themselves without fear of hurt or judgment. This goes against the nice guy beliefs of how a lady should behave often resulting in bitterness and rage towards women. They hate women for treating them without respect or even for rejecting them and often find it difficult to move on after heartbreaks.


Nice guys underachieve in other areas and often hate themselves for that. Nice guys do not believe in self-empowerment which results in poor results and failures. Their need to follow rules and stick by the lanes often puts them in trouble with employers who demand their employees to think outside the box.


Nice guys do not dare to face their problems head-on, therefore, result in backstabbing as a form of protection. This is not only unattractive coming from a man but also shows weakness making it hard for any woman to crave being associated with him.


Nice guys always end up being labeled as “friends” by women simply because they are not strong enough to handle difficult situations. Women will choose a dominant any time over a nice guy, which leaves the nice guy with the only option of remaining in the friend zone label with the hope that one day the lady will reward him with sex. 

Tips to stop being nice and be dominant

It is understandable if you want to become more dominant and embrace your masculinity, but how do you do that without losing your self-respect? The society aims at teaching young boys how to respect women and their elders but none teaches them how to behave when they later discriminate and treat them like doormats. Here are a few tips which will help you change from the very nice guy the society molded with its rules into an independent dominant male;

  1. Stop agreeing with women all the time.
  2. Recognize the dominance hierarchy
  3. Open up your body language
  4. Be the first to end the interaction.

Stop agreeing with women all the time

There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with what your woman is saying and sharing your ideas. It is a turn-on and shows her that you are intelligent enough to speak up and stand your ground. Nodding to everything your woman says shows that you are a weakling and that is why she will treat you as a less being and order you around. Being dominant requires you to command your presence and gain the respect that comes with being the leader.

Recognize the dominance hierarchy

As a man, you are naturally higher in the hierarchy, and women should respect you and be submissive in your presence. Being a nice guy gives a woman the go-ahead to take advantage of her weakness and take control. Coming off as shy and emotionally weak gives a woman the opportunity to walk over you that is why working on your self-esteem should come first.

Open up your body language

Do you nod your head in agreement every time your lady speaks? Do you hold your hands across your chest whenever an argument comes up? If yes, it is high time to re-awaken your manly self and learn to stand up for yourself. Holding direct eye contact is one of the few things that men take for granted but works wonders in claiming their dominant position.

Learn to look your woman straight into her eyes and tell her what you think, this not only makes you appear stronger but also reminds her of why she should not be treating you like trash.

Be the first to end the interaction

Another way to avoid being labeled as a nice guy is always to end the interaction first. How does this help? This only works if you are confident enough to end a conversation with someone who you like when it is on a high note. This ensures that she remembers you through that high note conversation and will look forward to hanging or talk to you again. 

When you talk about a conversation high note, it simply means when the conversation is interesting and interactive. In normal times, you will note that a conversation will change from being highly interactive to a one-word reply as time moves on. Learning a few tricks like excusing yourself with a promise of talking later will get you from being a nice guy to an alpha male extremely fast.

How to carry on a conversation with women

Use spatial intelligence

Moving from your meeting place to another place will not only spice things up but also give a woman the opportunity to gain your trust. You for instance can spice things a little bit more by changing the venue from a boring coffee date to a candle-lit dinner in a fancy restaurant. This not only shows her that you are romantic and don’t mind rewarding good behavior but also allows you to have an upper hand in your relationship.

Use social intelligence

Have you ever considered going out for a group date? Social intelligence is a perfect way to show your confidence around other people as well as self-possession. The best way to make this work is to ensure the hangout revolves around things that you enjoy and are well informed about. This however works only if you are a people person and are great at fun conversations.

Use emotional intelligence

Speaking more is an excellent way to give your partner a chance to know more about you and get to ask questions. In as much as the conversation should not revolve around you throughout the entire time, it will be a great conversation starter. Emotional intelligence gives you the chance to gain a woman’s trust and respect.

How to flirt with women you’ve just met and maintain dominancy

When men meet a woman who they find attractive they tend to forget their dominant nature and instead give the lady a higher place in the hierarchy. Here are a few tips to help you maintain your dominancy even when around an attractive lady;

The prevailing handshake

When you meet a woman, learn to maintain a strong posture instead of leaning in for a handshake. A straight posture is not only attractive but also manly thus commands respect and independence.

The stone-cold eyes

Looking at a woman straight into the eye when you meet for the first time shows confidence and that is what every woman wants from an alpha male. The cold eye stare makes sure that you make a strong and lasting first impression while at the same time, showcasing your dominant nature.

Firing boss method

Your sitting posture is among the first things that a woman will notice on her first date. Taking up space when sitting not only shows confidence but also gives the aspect that you are a financially stable and independent man. 

Tongue sucking technique

This trick is a lifesaver for men who find themselves talking too much. Over-talking is a clear indication of nervousness which can be a turn-off. Sucking your tongue for a few minutes helps you calm down and control your talking.

The high energy principle

No one wants to go on a date with a man whose energy is off. High energy makes the date fun and sparks interesting conversations. Your first date should ideally be in a fun place where you feel comfortable and in cases where you are not a good conversation starter, outdoor activities can be a good start to unleash the energetic side of you.

The slow-motion man

The slow-motion man involves making slow movements and talks which show that you have control and are sure about yourself. The slow-motion trick aims at showcasing the perfect, confident and sensual type of a man which is an important character in a dominant man.

The secret spy

Whether you are aiming for a casual or official look, the secret spy trick is perfect for all. Your posture is the most important thing to focus on if you are trying to pull this off. Carry yourself out in a manner that shows you are in control and cannot be bothered by anything. Your body language speaks volumes about you and nothing is better than showing off the strong, commanding body language pose.

Reasons why women don’t go for nice guys

Women love dominant men but at the same time prefer them to be romantic and compassionate towards them. They want to feel protected but at the same time loved and cared for. Here are some of the reasons why women prefer dominant men to nice guys;

Women don’t believe you can do better

Nice guys are often associated with failure and can hardly offer financial support to women. Financial freedom is an important part of a relationship and offers security. The fact that nice guys are pleasers by nature is also a major turn-off.

You are boring

Women love men who are risk-takers. They want someone who can go out of their comfort zone just to make the relationship fun; men who can both be freaky in the bedroom and fun socially. Women are more likely to go after a man who is likely to break her heart as compared to a nice guy who prefers to stay indoors and watch movies. They are born to be natural subs thus want a man who is not afraid to step up.

You are not that nice

Nice guys pretend to be too nice but how sure are you that they are nice? The highest percentage of nice guys are hurt and broken inside resulting in bitter, rude characteristics. Women find it easier to be with a man whose character is clear and understandable; where the risks are clear and laid out.

You do not seem genuine

Have you ever heard the term “too good to be true”? Nice guys are the perfect description of too good to be true and the truth of the matter is that noon wants to be associated with a person who is probably fake? The problem with being too nice is that people do not get the opportunity to get to know the real you. They don’t get to understand your boundaries, insecurities, and likes therefore tend to stay away.

Attraction is complex

Have you ever wondered what a woman saw in his boyfriend? Well, the answer is simple. Attraction is complex and what does not work for you might be an addiction to somebody else. For instance, women are likely to fall for a man who has tattoos and portrays a bad boy image simply because they are risk-takers. Nice guys are too basic to be interesting while “bad boys” possess a sense of masculinity that women crave.

Why do people try to dominate others?

Dominance is a trait that can be defined differently depending on the situation. It can be from your spouse, your colleagues at work, or even your friends but the question is, why do people try to dominate others?

Most people who try to dominate others have an issue with their esteem and find peace in controlling others and making them do their chores. They take over your mind, fill you with fear and finally crush your life into failure. They give you nightmares and find passion in ruining lives.

Others are scared of being abandoned. They probably are victims of abuse in previous relationships or have lost someone close to them and are afraid of going through the same experience all over again. All in all, many theories try to define why people are dominant or rather, why people abuse dominance but at the end of it all, people dominate others because they are given the pass to do it!

How should I avoid people who dominate over me constantly?

Are you constantly being pushed around, forced to do things you are not into but are tired of it? If yes, then it might be high time you consider changing your ‘nice guy’ traits and getting a little bit tougher. No one wants to be associated with a doormat, mostly if that doormat is a man. The first step is always changing your mentality. Stop being the victim and get yourself together. Take the fall but do it courageously.

The second step is changing your friends. In the first place, those should never have been your friends at all! Friends hold each other up, support each other when the times are demanding, and always want what is best for each other. If your group of friends is dominant over you, it simply means that you are only in the picture because they see you as an asset; something they can use and take advantage of.

The last step is accepting change. Come out of your shell and allow change. Change within your surrounding and internally too. Let go of the negative energy that surrounds you, your bad friends included, and allow yourself to grow, become a better version of yourself.

What should I do if someone dominates me with words?

Dominance by words is one of the strongest modes used by people and can sadly go unnoticed for a long period. Walking away from a verbally dominant person will save your peace but also teach them that you have boundaries. Telling them how to talk to you can also go a long way. Let them know that you will not tolerate being addressed rudely and if they do not change, take your peace and leave! Your sanity should always come first.

Do nice guys finish last?

This is the most debatable topic and the answer can either be Yes or No but at the end of the day, it is important to ask yourself how often do nice guys finish last? Bad boys are manipulative, they know what to say to women, how and when to say it and that is why they always find their way around most lies that they tell.

A nice guy will hardly lie to a woman simply because they care about her feelings and their guilty self would not stand it. Nice guys are willing to sacrifice their happiness; for the sake of other people’s joy but are that all a woman’s needs? The answer is No! 

Being a blend of both a dominant and a kind guy will win you a woman’s heart. Mark that I did not say being nice; kindness and being nice are often mistaken to mean the same but they are different. Being kind means that you care about others but do not sacrifice your sanity for their sake. 

Women are known to love freaky men but at the same time; they are delicate creatures who are vulnerable and need to be taken care of. This is where being the perfect blend of dominance and kind comes in handy. Pin her to the bed, spank her ass and make her moan your name out loud but at the end of it all, take time to hold her and make her feel loved. 

At the end of the day, it would be right to say nice guys win at the end of the day only if they give themselves the chance to get a little freaky and psyche themselves up. All in all, it requires courage, determination, and a lot of patience to transform you into an Alpha male but it is always worth every penny.


Being a nice guy will get you a lot of friends simply because you are a people pleaser but will never get you a woman. Being a dominant man requires courage, strength, and a touch of self-love. The first step to stop being a nice guy is caring a little less about what people think about you. This will not only help you gain back your dominant nature but also gains back your independence. It is however important to note that dominance does not mean being rude, careless, or insensitive. Dominance requires you to be strong, courageous but at the same time loving and romantic. If you would like to be the perfect dominant guy and take charge of your life without losing your charm, here are my all-time favorite guide books;

If you would like to be the perfect dominant guy and take charge of your life without losing your charm, here are my all-time favorite guide books; Dominance Mindset of a King, How to Become the Dominant, Masculine Alpha Male, How to Effortlessly Attract Women

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