How To Obey Your Man: A Beginner’s Guide To Submissiveness

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Are you interested in exploring your submissive side and learning how to obey your man? The world of BDSM and power exchange can be both exciting and intimidating, especially for beginners. But don’t worry, with the right mindset and approach, you can become a confident, obedient partner and deepen your connection with your dominant.

Submission is about trust, respect, and communication. It’s not about blindly following orders or being a doormat. In fact, being submissive requires a great deal of strength and self-awareness.

In this beginner’s guide, we’ll explore the basics of submission and give you practical tips on how to communicate with your partner, build trust, show respect, follow instructions, handle punishment, practice self-care, and continue to learn and grow in your submissive journey. Whether you’re new to submission or looking to enhance your existing dynamic, this guide will help you become a better, more fulfilled submissive partner.

Understanding Submission

You’ll begin to grasp the essence of submission as you delve deeper into the principles of surrendering control and allowing your partner to take the lead.

Submission does not mean being a doormat or losing your identity. It’s a conscious choice to give up control, trust your partner, and let them guide you towards pleasure and happiness.

Submission is not just about sex or kink. It’s a way of life that requires trust, respect, and communication between partners. It’s about creating a dynamic where one partner takes charge and the other follows, but both partners have equal say in setting boundaries and limits.

Remember, submission is a gift that you give to your partner, and it should always be given willingly and enthusiastically.

Communicating with Your Partner

Effective communication with your partner is key to building a strong and fulfilling relationship. As a submissive, it’s even more important for you to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your boundaries, desires, and needs.

This means being clear and specific about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with, as well as discussing your fantasies and what you hope to gain from your submission.

It’s also important to establish a safe word or phrase with your partner in case you feel uncomfortable or need to stop the activity. This allows you to communicate your needs without breaking the dynamic of your relationship.

Remember that communication is a two-way street, and your partner should also be willing to listen to your needs and concerns. By openly communicating with your partner, you can build trust and intimacy in your relationship, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying dynamic.

Building Trust with Your Partner

To establish a strong and fulfilling relationship as a submissive, it’s crucial to build trust with your partner. This can be achieved through open and honest communication about boundaries, desires, needs, and establishing a safe word or phrase.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it’s especially important in a BDSM dynamic where power exchange is involved. As a submissive, you’re entrusting your partner with your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, so it’s essential to have faith in their ability to take care of you.

Building trust takes time and effort from both partners. It involves being vulnerable with each other and respecting each other’s limits. It’s important to communicate not only what you’re comfortable with but also what you’re not comfortable with. Your partner needs to know when to stop and when to continue.

Trust also means keeping your promises and being consistent in your behavior. If your partner can rely on you to follow through with your commitments, it’ll only strengthen the bond between you two.

Remember, trust isn’t built overnight, but with patience and effort, it can be established and maintained for a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Showing Respect and Gratitude

Respect and gratitude are essential components of a healthy BDSM relationship, and showing them can deepen the connection between partners.

One way to show respect is by communicating openly and honestly with your partner. This means being honest about your boundaries, desires, and concerns. It also means actively listening to your partner’s needs and respecting their limits.

When you show respect in your relationship, you create a safe space for both partners to explore their desires and boundaries. Gratitude is another important aspect of a healthy BDSM relationship.

It’s important to express appreciation for your partner’s efforts and to acknowledge the role they play in your relationship. Simple acts of gratitude like saying ‘thank you’ or expressing appreciation for a particular scene or activity can go a long way in strengthening your relationship.

Additionally, showing gratitude can help to build trust and deepen the emotional connection between partners. Remember, respect and gratitude are not just important in a BDSM relationship, but in any healthy relationship.

By incorporating these values into your relationship, you can create a strong foundation for a fulfilling and satisfying partnership.

Following Instructions

You’ll see how following instructions can heighten the intensity and pleasure of your BDSM experiences, pushing you both to new levels of trust and intimacy.

When your man gives you an instruction, it’s important to listen carefully and take it seriously. This demonstrates your willingness to submit to his authority and shows that you respect him as your dominant partner.

Following instructions is also a way to show your trust in him, as you’re allowing him to take control of the situation and guide you towards greater pleasure.

It’s important to remember that following instructions doesn’t mean blindly obeying every command without question. If you have concerns about an instruction, it’s okay to respectfully ask for clarification or express your hesitations. Communication is key in any BDSM relationship, and your man will appreciate your willingness to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Ultimately, following instructions is a way to deepen your bond with your dominant partner and explore new levels of pleasure and submission.

Handling Punishment

When you make a mistake in BDSM play, learning how to handle punishment can be a challenging yet rewarding experience for both you and your dominant partner. Punishment is a crucial part of maintaining the power dynamic between you and your dominant, as it reinforces their authority and your submission. It’s important to approach punishment with a positive attitude, as it can help you grow as a submissive and strengthen your bond with your partner.

First and foremost, it’s important to communicate with your dominant about what types of punishment are acceptable and what’s off-limits. This’ll help ensure that the punishment is fair and appropriate for the mistake you made.

It’s also important to remember that punishment should never be abusive or harmful in any way. If you feel uncomfortable with a punishment, it’s important to speak up and discuss it with your partner. By approaching punishment with open communication and trust, you can help ensure a positive and fulfilling experience for both you and your dominant.

Practicing Self-Care

When it comes to practicing self-care as a submissive, it’s important to prioritize your needs. This means taking the time to assess how you’re feeling and what you need in order to maintain your mental and emotional well-being.

It’s also essential to recognize your limits and communicate them to your partner, so that they can take them into consideration.

Finally, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help you navigate any challenges that may arise as you explore your submissive tendencies. Remember, taking care of yourself is an essential part of being a healthy and happy submissive.

Prioritizing Your Needs

Putting your own needs first is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship dynamic, even in a submissive role. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness in order to serve your partner to the best of your ability.

Here are some tips to help you prioritize your needs while still maintaining your submissive role:

  • Set clear boundaries: It’s important to communicate with your partner about your boundaries and what you’re comfortable with. This will help ensure that your needs are respected and that you’re not pushed beyond your limits.

  • Take care of yourself: Make sure to take time for yourself and engage in self-care activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled. This could be anything from taking a bubble bath to going for a walk in nature.

  • Keep communication open: Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner about your needs and how they can best support you. This will help build a stronger relationship and ensure that you’re both happy and fulfilled.

  • Remember that your needs matter: While you may be in a submissive role, your needs and desires still matter. Don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for what you want and need from your partner. This will help ensure that you’re both happy and fulfilled in the relationship.

Recognizing Your Limits

Recognizing your limits is crucial in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship dynamic, as it allows for open communication and respect for each other’s boundaries. As a submissive, it’s important to understand what you are and aren’t comfortable with in terms of your partner’s expectations and actions. This doesn’t mean you can’t explore new things and push your own boundaries, but it does mean that you should never feel pressured or coerced into doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

To help you better understand your limits, it can be helpful to create a table that outlines your hard and soft limits. A hard limit is something that you absolutely will not do under any circumstances, while a soft limit is something that you may be willing to do under certain conditions or with certain parameters in place. By having this conversation with your partner and creating a clear list of your limits, you can ensure that your relationship is built on mutual respect and trust. Remember, true submission comes from a place of empowerment, not coercion.

Seeking Support

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about your submissive role, seeking support from a trusted friend or therapist can provide valuable insight and guidance. It’s important to have someone to talk to who understands the dynamics of a dominant/submissive relationship and can offer non-judgmental advice.

A therapist can also help you explore any underlying issues that may be affecting your ability to submit and provide coping strategies for dealing with them.

If you’re uncomfortable discussing your submissive desires with friends or a therapist, consider joining an online community of like-minded individuals. There are many forums and groups where you can connect with other submissives and dominants, ask questions, and share experiences. Just make sure to do your research and join a reputable community that values respect, safety, and consent.

Remember, seeking support doesn’t make you weak or less of a submissive, it shows strength and a willingness to learn and grow in your role.

Continuing to Learn and Grow

As you keep exploring new ways to express your love and devotion to your partner, you’ll find that there’s always room for growth and self-discovery in your journey towards a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. Continuing to learn and grow is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship, but it’s especially important in a submissive and dominant dynamic.

Here are some ways to continue your growth:

  • Attend workshops and seminars on BDSM and power exchange dynamics.
  • Read books and online resources on the topic to gain new insights and perspectives.
  • Engage in open and honest communication with your partner about your desires, boundaries, and expectations.
  • Take the time to reflect on your experiences and learn from them, continually striving to improve yourself as a submissive and partner.

Remember, submission isn’t about blindly following orders or sacrificing your own needs and desires. It’s about consensual and mutual exchange of power, trust, and respect. By continuing to learn, grow, and communicate with your partner, you can create a dynamic that’s both fulfilling and empowering for both of you.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I ensure that my submission does not lead to abuse or mistreatment in the relationship?

To ensure that your submission doesn’t lead to abuse or mistreatment in your relationship, it’s important to establish clear boundaries and communicate openly with your partner. Discuss what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not, and make sure you both understand each other’s expectations.

It’s also important to regularly check in with each other and assess how the dynamic is working for you both. Remember that submission is a choice and should never be forced upon you. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, trust your instincts and speak up.

A healthy and respectful relationship is built on mutual trust, communication, and understanding.

What if my partner’s instructions conflict with my own personal values or beliefs?

When your partner’s instructions conflict with your personal values or beliefs, it can be difficult to navigate the situation without compromising your own integrity.

It’s important to communicate with your partner and express your concerns in a respectful manner. Try to understand their perspective and reasoning behind their instructions, and see if there is a compromise that can be reached.

However, if the conflict is too significant and cannot be resolved, it may be necessary to reevaluate the compatibility of the relationship.

Remember that submission does not mean sacrificing your own values and beliefs, and it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

How can I maintain my independence and autonomy while still being submissive to my partner?

Maintaining your independence and autonomy while being submissive to your partner can seem like a difficult task, but it’s possible.

It starts with clear communication and setting boundaries. Let your partner know what behaviors and actions are important to you and what you won’t tolerate. This doesn’t mean you can’t be submissive in other areas, it just means you’re asserting your autonomy in those specific areas.

It’s also important to remember that being submissive doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs and desires. Your partner should respect and honor your individuality. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

With mutual respect and open communication, you can be both submissive and independent in your relationship.

What if my partner loses interest in our dynamic or wants to end the relationship?

If your partner loses interest in your dynamic or wants to end the relationship, it can be difficult to accept and process. It’s important to understand that this isn’t a reflection of your worth or value as a submissive or as a person.

Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about their reasons for wanting to end the dynamic or relationship. It’s also important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.

Remember, your submission should always be a choice, and it’s important to prioritize your own needs and boundaries in any relationship.

Are there any red flags to watch out for when entering into a submissive relationship?

Entering into a submissive relationship can be an exciting and fulfilling experience, but it’s important to watch out for any red flags that may indicate an unhealthy dynamic.

These can include a lack of respect or communication from your partner, excessive demands or control, and a disregard for your boundaries and safety. It’s important to establish clear boundaries and expectations from the beginning, and to regularly communicate and reassess the dynamic to ensure that it remains healthy and consensual for both parties.

Trust your instincts and don’t hesitate to seek support or guidance if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in any way.


Congratulations! You’ve completed reading this beginner’s guide to submissiveness. By now, you should have a better understanding of what it means to be submissive and how to communicate, build trust, and show respect and gratitude towards your partner.

Remember, submission isn’t about giving up your power, but rather, a consensual and mutually beneficial dynamic between partners. As you continue on your journey, always remember to prioritize self-care and continue to learn and grow.

It’s important to set boundaries and communicate your needs to your partner. Ultimately, the key to a successful submissive relationship is open communication, trust, and respect. Keep these principles in mind and you’ll be well on your way to a fulfilling and satisfying dynamic with your partner.

Good luck!

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